The Boy Who Asked Himself

“Shooooooo!” he warded off the creature so it flew farther again. I had to run faster to keep close track of it. 

 ”Why does he always pick on me? He‘s some piece of crap!” My mind said. I knew I couldn’t speak it out. If I did, it could be without Mother around. Otherwise I was dead meat. “Why do mothers get mad when kids say what they are thinking?” The thousandth and more time I asked myself of that perhaps.

Dagul’s three years older than me and I thought three times darker too. I heard people say Mother was fond of eating dark-colored foods when she was carrying Dagul. They could be right, couldn’t they? 

“Lumboy! Dinar-daraan! Uging!” I used to tease him every time he pissed me off. And I always felt victorious when he displayed madness. We were never in good terms. That’s what I knew and felt. Did he ever know?

One day we made paper planes. Why did he have to use my new school papers while I preferred the spoiled ones? “You’re such a spendthrift!” I yelled at him. But again, it was only in my mind.

“Vrrrroooom …vrrrroooom…” I watched my paper plane fly. I loved flying paper planes and I thought they sound like cars do. There, it landed on our rattan tablet. I picked it up and fixed its wings. “Mine flies better than Dagul’s” I mused. It reminded me of the military helicopter that landed near the school.

It was lunch break so I ran with the other kids to see the flying object. How huge it was! How could this thing fly with such weight? Could I touch it? I stepped hesitantly toward it but a soldier stood before me. He was talking with a bigger guy. But why, he was so towering tall but someone could be even taller? Those guys looked scary I thought.  Not because they had guns but because they were huge. I gave up getting nearer the helicopter. I just had to be satisfied feeding my eyes with the beauty of it. It looked like the dragonfly I failed to catch weeks ago…

“I think it can fly higher with its tail cut-off” I heard Dagul saying. It was too late when I realized that he was already cutting my paper plane’s tail. 

“Why did you have to?!” I yelled at him. It was a real yell not imaginary. But he just paid a grin. Why? Like nothing went wrong? I wished I had pliers to pull his teeth. He ruined it because it flew better than his'. He’s envious and selfish! But aha! Where did he get those scissors? 

“I had warned you not to touch any of my sewing stuff!” Dagul was dead scary that he couldn’t help but cry. In my heart I was at cloud number nine. I felt like I just won a spider fight. But what happened to Lelang? I didn’t expect her to be that furious. And how could she holler so many words with her mouth filled with mama? And couldn’t she notice her teeth getting redder and redder when she looked at the mirror? I giggled in my mind but I wasn’t aware I was smiling too. 

“And why are you grinning there like a cat?!” Dagul grunted. But the thought of Lelang having maroon teeth tickled me even more so I erupted into laughter. Dagul was so furious that he picked up the tablet mat and threw it on my face. It didn’t hurt though but I thought I exhaled some dust so I kept sneezing for hours. Never did I feel better. Was something wrong with me? 

“No, you’re just very happy” myself replied.

“Here, have some for yourself. They are good for your teeth. They will get stronger.” I heard Lelang talking to Mother. She was offering Mother some of her mama. Was what Lelang saying true? But why were two or three of her incisors missing? I got curious of how mama tasted. But how could I taste it? They said it was only for adults. Why could adults drink some kind of liquid and kids could not? Why could adults eat mama and kids could not? I didn’t need answers. I already had them in my brains.

“Uncle Berto where’s Saldy?” The man in his early forties, but looked more of a man in his fifties was busy weaving his fishing net. He was not a biological relative. Kids in our barrio just call every older soul uncle or auntie and those not-so-old, manong or manang. And I didn’t bother ask Mother or Father why because I thought it was but normal. 

“Upstairs” He didn’t remove his cigar when he talked. I almost couldn’t understand what he said. Why did he smoke his cigar upside down? Couldn’t his tongue get hurt or burned? How could smoke come out from his nose? Odd, but I might try that someday I thought.

“Saldy I will share you a secret. But promise me you won’t ever pass a word” I said as if I was going to tell him I had super powers. He always believed super powers were real. And so did I—at least somehow.

“Promise” he said but his eyes looked more sleepy than excited. Saldy was lazy. I never saw him did any household chore in his own volition. A chisel they say he was. And he never got up earlier even on weekdays so he was always late for school. Wasn’t he lucky that his parents didn’t scold him for always getting up late? He wasn’t.  The next school year he’ll be grade one again.

“You know I heard Lelang this morning talking to Mother. She said if Mother ate mama her teeth would become stronger. Doesn’t one of your molars get hurt every time you go to bed?”

“I don’t know which one but it does. Why?”

“Don’t you get it? We can eat mama as well so our teeth will get stronger! Then you don’t have to cry every night because of toothache. What do you say?” He just looked amazed but not convinced.

“But why do they say mama is just for the old ones?”

“If it can be good for kids also, right?” I answered him with another question. I learned that from the elders visiting Lelang. A kind of trick I thought.  

“So what do you suggest we do?”

“Listen. Auntie Leoning is out in the river doing your laundry. I suggest, we borrow some of her bua and gawid and a little of her apog then let’s make ourselves some mama!”  

“What if she won’t lend us some?”

“Of course she would. Don’t tell her just yet. We will study hard, get a job someday, and pay her. What do you say?”

Without words Saldy walked towards the kitchen where I usually see Auntie Leoning get her bag of mama. But nay, he just got a bamboo glass, fetched some water from their burnay and gargled. No wonder there was an awful smell earlier. 

“Glug, glug, glug!” There he’s done.

“Just gargle in the morning? Aren’t you brushing your teeth?” It was a habitual question. 

He signaled “Wait for me at the back of the kamarin, under the mango tree” but did not answer the question again. I descended the bamboo stairs smiling, admiring my convincing power. 

 “Saldy! Saldy! Hurry! Help me get rid of these abuos on my back!” How could little creatures like army ants hurt bigger creatures like me? I didn’t do them any harm, so why they had to bite? Even the most private part?

“Hala! What happened to you? I just told you to wait here and now you are being attacked by some troops of abuos ha?” He looked more amused than worried.

“Just help me now could you?” 

He at least did.

“Here, have some.” I handed him some of the mango fruits I braved to climbed despite knowing army ants inhabit the tree. 

“Thanks. Now you don’t have to answer why you got those little enemies. And here’s Inang’s mama kit.”

“Why, you got them all? I said just some of what we need.”

“I don’t know how much we need so I decided to get the bag.” 

“Well I guess we have to do it fast.”

 From the bag we took out a bunch of gawid, a canister of apog and some bua. 

“How many bua do we need to make ourselves some mama?” 

We both didn’t know but we knew we had to crush it. We peeled two beetle nuts and crushed them. We both realized it was hard to peel the nut more so to crush it. But it looked easy when I saw Lelang doing it. She could really have strong teeth despite some missing. I was getting more excited.

“Now how many leaves do we need?”

We both didn’t know but we knew we had to wrap the bua with it. We took six leaves—three for him and three for myself. We wrapped our own crushed bua. 

“And how much apog do we have to pour into it?”

We didn’t know either but we unwrapped our own bua, poured some apog into it, and then wrapped it again with the gawid leaves. 

“Do you think the apog is enough?” 

We didn’t know both so we decided to pour some more…and more. 

“Tadan! We now have our own mama. At count one, it should have been in our mouth. At count three, we should have started chewing it.”

“But why does it smell odd?” Saldy asked with a frown.

“Don’t mind the smell, it looks tasty doesn’t it?” I wasn’t even sure of what I said because it actually didn’t look special.

“Okay. One” and our mamas were in our mouth.

“Two…” we both excitedly chewed it. 

“Inaaaaaang!!! Inang koooo!!!”  Out of the blue we spat our mama and hot-footed to find some water. 

I was still sobbing when I got home. Mother was talking to me but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Dagul was also there laughing out loud but I just didn’t care. I gulped water, ate sugar, gulped more water, and ate more sugar. “How can the elderly stand it?!” I wondered, but I was sure of two things—mama is truly an elderly stuff and Dagul was out there celebrating.

At lunch time Dagul was still wearing his annoying grin but I didn’t care. I had other things in my mind. How could Uncle Berto smoke his cigar upside down? Doesn’t cinder harm the tongue? And how could he spew smoke from his nose? 

I didn’t need answers. I had them in my brains.

Gawid (the leaf), betel nut (bua), and apog (lime powder) make up the mama.

mama – a traditional vice among people of Northern Philippines especially those in the Cordilleras who are believed to have introduced   the vice in the region.

apog – lime powder

gawid – a vine that grows in forests but planted as ornament by the Ilocanos.

bua – betel nut

uging – charcoal

dinar-daraan – blood stew or blood pudding usually out of pork and pig’s blood

lumboy – a dark purple to black colored fruit tree found mostly wild throughout the Philippines

burnay – an earthenware used for storing food or water

lelang – an endearment to elderly women tantamount to grandmother

inang – mother