passion or future?

When I was a kid…

…many a times I was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. Answering the question was a no brainer, but never did I do it with a template because truth was, I wanted to be many. I wanted to be a doctor, a scientist, a painter, a teacher, a pilot, an engineer, a lawyer, a magician. I even wanted to be a performing artist. I was ambitious—extremely ambitious so to speak.

But I just realized that those ambitions were designed by my inexperienced being. I only wanted to be a doctor because I thought I would look good on long white coat with the stethoscope laced on my neck; I wanted to be a scientist because I thought it was cool if I could make myself an armor I could use in stone wars against kids in the neighboring barrios;  I wanted to be a painter because my plain, nature-loving eyes were deeply in love with the beauty of my hometown; I wanted to be an engineer because I thought if I were one, I could build a huge tree-house atop our mango tree; I wanted to be a teacher because my grandfather was a teacher and so were many of my aunts and uncles; I wanted to be etcetera because my innocence said so. I wasn’t truly ambitious.

When I turned six and had to go to school, I couldn’t fathom my excitement when I saw my school materials. I even slept with my bag the night before the first school day. I was actually awake most of the night. Now I understand why many kids are eager to go to school. The new pencils, notebooks, bag, paper pads, and the daily cents on hand tell it all. But the excitement only lasts for days. Because as the school materials get older, the appetite of schooling wanes.  Certainly, parents don’t expect a first grader to be totally comprehensive of the most profound essence of schooling. I still clearly remember Mother kept saying: “Study hard or you’ll be like us someday;” “Study hard so you won’t have to farm someday;” “Study hard so you’ll be able to buy what you want someday;” And more study hard so you’ll be or you won’t be blah blah blah someday.  It was a nightly ritual and had to endure it. Poor Mother, we didn’t have a cassette player. She could have recorded the sermons and played them on dinner time and could have her fair share of the food she prepared herself. Did she know that meals always ended with her reminders taken for granted? There, who would have thought I’d deal with dear life seriously one day? 

Well, like other humans I grew older. Maturity they said befriended me earlier than the usual. Perhaps it’s because I was acquainted with the facets of difficult life at very early age. The early dealing with responsibilities somehow made an unfavorable impact toward my schooling. I preferred earning money than earning wisdom, but thanks to Mother for always reminding me the edges of being educated. I finished grade school and high school with so many struggles. Not because I had the slowest brains but because I had to compel myself to like schooling. But college was a different thing, so I did what I could to finish a degree though without flying colors but with satisfactory grades. Haha! “Satisfactory” of course should not be the satisfactory standard of getting grades. One should aim beyond satisfactory to grow, and that, I did after receiving my diploma. Not too late though especially when I finally ascertained what I really wanted to be. 

Teaching is no easy profession. I only realized that when I was already doing the job. An idealistic person would say that the profession’s rewards could surpass the riches one could accumulate from a successful business. Why, yes! What else can be more rewarding than seeing a child saying his ABC and counting his 123 with the beam of confidence in his eyes? Can there be more rewarding than listening to a child saying the words and sentences he worked hard to learn? Can there be more rewarding than seeing a proud mother applauding as her child reciting a poem? Can there be more rewarding seeing a child bowing before an audience after a nerve-wrecking piano recital? Can there be more rewarding than seeing a young man holding an office in a very reputable company? These are but a few of the rewards of being a teacher. I will need all the time in the world to enumerate all. These rewards made me truly in love with the profession. These rewards made me discover my passion. But I once asked myself: “Will I survive this ever challenging world with passion alone? Will my passion lead me to my dreams for my family?” I quit teaching and ventured another field. I became this and that, but still my will is craving for the one I left behind. But if I were to go back to teaching, it wouldn’t be for money, but for the call of duty.